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"Rose Addiction"
John Shelly
My Struggle with Rose Addiction
My name is John S. and this is my tale of woe. I am a recovering rose
addict. Yes, a roseaholic. Very sad. Today, when people ask me about
buying and caring for roses, I usually tell them to go to a 5 & 10 cent
store and buy any rose, preferably the cheapest one, or just pick one with
a pretty picture on it, for about 3 dollars. Chances are it will have a
couple of heavily waxed canes, surrounded by a cardboard box. I tell them
to buy this rose, take it home, dig a shallow hole in any type of soil,
plant it anywhere in the yard, even under a tree, give it a little food if
they want, water and forget about it. If it lives, it lives. If it dies,
it dies. That's the attitude! It may or may not bloom in the late spring.
It will most likely be attacked by every insect within miles. Cane borers,
aphids, thrips, and then spider mites when the weather gets hot. Finally,
all the Japanese beetles that live in your state will find your best rose
blooms. They will eat pretty little round holes through the center of the
buds. At this point in your rose garden, you may bring the local Junior
High kids over for an insect identification lesson. After the insects have
had their spring feast, the top leaves of your rose bushes will turn a
dull white powdery color, and the leaves on the bottom of the bushes will
turn a pretty shade of green and yellow with beautiful little black spots.
Some of the leaves may also have gorgeous purple spots, too. At this
point, the bush is at its most spectacular. The beautiful colors are
enhanced by the lovely, dry, brown leaves. There probably won't be any
blooms to speak of, but who cares with the kaleidoscope of leaf colors!
These beautiful colored leaves, however, will not last long and will soon
fall to the ground. Don't feel sad when the leaves fall off because there
is still more color to come. The green canes will turn pretty shades of
brown, black and purple. By late fall or soon after your rose bushes will
be dead. At this time, you can replace the rose identification markers
with little rest in peace signs (RIP). This is my best advice for buying
and growing roses. Many people do this, the lucky ones, and then go on
with their normal lives. The best part, is next spring you can go buy more
roses and start over again!
Now, if you don't do it that way, you may take the other path in the road.
First, join a local rose society. Research the best roses for the
particular area where you live. Do a little reading on some articles or
books about the proper planting and caring needed to grow good, healthy,
roses. Yes, that's right you buy the horse before the saddle. Go buy good,
healthy, grade one roses from a respectable nursery or dealer. Plant them
with the proper soil and amendments. Feed and water them regularly. Spray
with the proper fungicides and insecticides on a weekly basis, or when
necessary. If you do this the right way, I feel very sorry for you.
Chances are that your roses will be healthy, grow vigorously and believe
it or not, will produce the most beautiful flowers on the face of the
earth, the Rose! Once that happens, the hook is set! Odds are that within
a few years you will be sitting next to me at a Roses Anonymous meeting
trying to figure out why every open space in, around, under, and over your
house, is filled with rose bushes.
This is the beginning of the signpost to rose addiction. Once you
figure out that you can grow a few healthy roses and successfully winter
them over in your area, you may find yourself thinking, "Well, I grew a
half a dozen, why not more?" That is how I started. Our house sits on a
50x100 foot lot. I now have 350 roses growing around my house. We no
longer live in a house with a rose garden outside, we now live in a rose
garden with a house attached . The shed in the backyard looks like the
inside of a commercial rose nursery supply house. Oh don't mind that
smell. It's just my 55-gallon drum of fresh sea herring (fish) decomposing
with a good supply of alfalfa on top. Great aroma! The neighbors love it!
You should see them run when I open my 55-gallon drum of sand crabs that
have been rotting in the barrel since last fall! My second job other than
taking care of roses is a lobster fisherman in Rhode Island. Easy access
to good, cheap fertilizer.
Even if you have successfully grown a few good roses, it may not be too
late to back out and save yourself from a life of growing roses. Whatever
you do, don't join the American Rose Society, probably the very worst
roseaholics around, or a local rose society. Once you do this, you
may be sucked into going to monthly meetings where you will probably meet
some very nice people who share their experience, strength, and hope in
growing roses and life itself! They do all kinds of crazy stuff. Pot Luck
dinners, garden parties, charter trips to some of the USA's most beautiful
gardens, etc. A few people in these rose societies also know a little bit
about growing roses. Oh, did I mention they also put on rose shows. Is
this the dagger I see before me? Yes, it is! Whatever you do, do not under
any circumstances, go to or participate in a rose show. If you do, this
will be your downfall. Or if by chance you should go to a rose show and
win a couple of ribbons, there will be no turning back.
The Rose Show is the final straw! You go there and see 400-1000 beautiful
roses of all different varieties and colors exhibited in their peak of
ultimate elegance. This is the place (at the rose show) where you start
your G.H.L. list. That's right. G.H.L. list! It is the Gotta Have List. It
won't be long before you have 100 roses on your G.H.L. list. The only list
worst than the G.H.L. list is the G.H.B.N.O.T.M.Y.L. list! I won't talk
too much about this list but I will explain what it stands for. It stands
for Gotta Have But Not On The Market Yet List. Don't even ask! They are
roses with numbers, not with names.
Enough about the warning. The fact is that if you are reading this
article, you probably already have a problem. But it is a disease of
denial (not the river Nile in Egypt). The saddest part of the disease
(being a rose aholic) is that it's a family disease. It affects everyone!
My 13-year-old
daughter can be seen hybridizing roses in the back yard after the spring
bloom. Her Perfect Moments look like they have paper bags growing on them.
Pretty sad huh! My poor wife asked for a new set of Felco pruners for
Christmas! Poor thing! She's been asking for them ever since she crawled
into her English rose garden and wasn't seen for three days. We finally
found her with the help of bloodhounds from the local police station. On
the plus side, my daughter has been getting better grades in school since
she started bringing her teachers bouquets of fresh roses. She said she is
studying harder, but I never see her doing any homework, only cutting more
roses to bring to her teachers.
As I said before, I am a roseaholic and I was at the weekly Roses
Anonymous meeting here in R.I. where I am a member of the Rhode Island
society (my home group). I'm also a member of the New England rose society
and of course the American Rose Society (the big boss). The ARS
told me that if I didn't join their group, I couldn't vote in the next
U.S. presidential election. I'm not sure if it's true but I joined anyway.
I was chosen to share my experience, strength, and hope at the meeting. I
stood up at the podium and started to speak. First I started by saying "My
name is John S. and I am a recovering roseaholic, and it has been 30 days
since I bought my last rose." As I gazed down from the podium and looked
around the room, I noticed a lot of familiar faces, and some new ones too.
The public image, or stereotype of the roseaholic, is usually that of an
elderly woman of the high society type, dressed in fine clothes and high
heels, sipping tea from a fine china cup with a somewhat snobbish
attitude. The public image couldn't be further from the truth. The fact is
today's roseaholics are both men and women, of all ages, that come from
all walks of life, rich or poor stricken by the same disease, their love
of roses. Our numbers are increasing but we try to blend into normal
society. Sometimes we do things like planting a few annuals such as
marigolds and petunias to hide our disease from the neighbors. But if you
look carefully out on the floor, you probably can pick out a few obvious
roseaholics. First there was Mike C. talking to his pretty wife Angie C.
explaining that it was a mere coincidence that there was a rose show or
rose convention in every town where they took their last 10 vacations.
Yeah, right Mike. Next to him was my sponsor, Joe K., an ARS judge with 20
years of rose addiction. He was walking around, a bunch of rubber bands
hanging from his back pocket, asking if anybody had any extra multiflora
root stock. He said he would take Dr. Huey if they didn't have multiflora
root stock for him. Sitting in the back of the room at a table was a man
who they said was a national figure. His name was John M. and he was
sitting at a table with a woman who I believe was his wife, I'm not sure.
He had gathered all the red napkins in the room, and was meticulously
forming the red napkins into roses. He would form and groom the napkin
folds, using his two fingers and thumbs, carefully examining each rose
napkin and then when he was satisfied, he would give it to his wife who
would place it on the table and guard it with her life. He kept mumbling
something about Dublin. Maybe that is where he is from. In the other
corner of the room was Manny M. with his wife Betty who was trying to pull
a cell phone away from him. I think he said he was talking to some gal
named Super Dorothy. You could always pick Manny M. out in a crowd. He
always wears his felco pruners strapped to his side, wherever he goes.
Rumor has it that he sleeps with them on. Somebody else told me that his
Felco pruners were surgically implanted into his side. I don't believe
that it is true but, I don't know, maybe. You just never know. I don't
believe anybody in the room was dealing with a full deck of cards,
including myself.
Sitting down in the front of the room, the recommended place to sit for
the real sick and suffering roseaholics, was a charming lady named Patsy
C. She was typing and fiddling with a laptop computer. Apparently building
rose web sites and recording all the information down for the meeting.
Next to Patsy, sat Nancy E. who was explaining to her husband Foster that
the new 50x50 patch of ground that she had him rotatill was all for a
vegetable garden. Sure, Nancy! Someone told me they saw Nancy, who is an
avid animal lover, sitting outside at about ten at night dressed in a
camoflouge suit. She had a 44 magnum rifle in her hands after the local
deer population visited her Kordes Perfecta and Gemini rose bushes and did
a nice flat top hair cut on them. Probably just gossip but, why was she
wearing an NRA (National Rifle Association) patch on her shirt? Tony S. (a
lawyer) and his wife Elsie, were there trying to explain to Nancy that
machine guns and hand grenades were illegal, even if he could find these
weapons of war. Tony said there was much simpler way to deal with
marauding deer. He suggested that she do what he had done. He said his
method was very successful. He constructed a 2 mile, 10 ft. high fence
electrified with 50,000 volts, and then imported 30 Siberian timber wolves
which he placed in the enclosure. He said he hadn't had a problem since,
but he really had to keep his eyes open when caring for his garden. Tony
wanted to know if anyone had seen his cat, Fluffy, who wandered into the
rose garden several days before.
There were some people from out of town, too. The fellowship is open to
all. There was Phil and Kathy E. from Oregon. They were with Richard B.
also from Oregon. Richard B.'s addiction was totally out of hand. He not
only worked for Phil and Kathy at their rose nursery, but also grew
700-800
roses of his own. To boot, he spends most of his spare time photographing
roses. A real sick guy. Good luck Richard! Then, there was this guy from
Shreveport, Louisiana, walking around in a kilt (skirt) mumbling something
about winning the election. I told him that Bush won and he gave me a very
strange look. I heard there were a lot of roseaholics in Shreveport
because of the longer growing season.
There were a couple of guys in the front row. Nobody was sure of their
first names. I think one was a man named Jackson and the other guy was
Perkins. One man had a mason jar full of Japanese beetles. He would pluck
one out and smile, then hand it to the guy next to him whose name, I
think, was Igor. He seemed to have a hump on his back and walked with a
limp. The two of them, laughing hideously, would place each Japanese
beetle in a miniature torture rack. Strange fellows! I asked them to
control themselves. Last time I looked at them, they were plucking the
wings off the beetles and smiling. I wondered if they were at the right
meeting, or if I should call someone to wrap them up in a white suit and
take them to the cracker jack factory. I thought about asking a man
sitting in the front row, supposedly a doctor, to check on them. His name
was Dr. Tommy C. He was wearing a sweatshirt that said magnum grow on it.
I refrained from asking him to check on the other two good fellows when he
and another man by the name of Ralph M. broke out in a duet singing the
song, "It's a Small, Small World". Their problem seemed miniature in
comparison to the rest of the crowd. Well, enough about the people at the
meeting. This is my story.
If I had to pinpoint the beginning of my addiction it would have to be on
a foggy spring morning in New England a few years ago. My wife and I had
just bought a house and she casually mentioned how she loved roses. She
thought it would be nice to plant a few roses around the house. Thinking I
would surprise her, I ordered a dozen roses from a mail order catalog. I
had no idea what I was getting myself into. If I were to describe my
gardening skills previous to this point, I would say they were
non-existent. I couldn't even grow weeds if I wanted to. Everything I
tried to grow, died. I had always loved flowers and other plants but never
had much success growing them. The roses finally arrived in April. I was
shocked to find a bunch of thorny sticks with no soil around the roots. My
wife was a pretty good gardener. Thank God! She explained to me that I had
to dig enormous holes and put the proper soil amendments in them.
I began reading every book or article I could find about growing roses.
Soon, I became overwhelmed. The more I read, the less I knew. I was
mystified by it all; grafted roses, own root roses, hybrid tea roses,
rootstock, floribunda roses, blackspot, aphids, spider mites! These words
were all foreign to me. What had I gotten myself into? I would never be
able to grow these damn things. Needless to say the rose bushes I got were
planted before I did any research or reading on growing them. I thought
you just stuck them in a hole and they grew. I would pay dearly for this
lack of knowledge. I probably did everything wrong. As a result, most of
the bushes either died or became severely diseased. Some of the roses I
loved to death by overfeeding. Surely, if I fed them every day, they would
grow twice as fast. By June I had given up on the whole lot of them. There
was just no way I would ever learn how to grow roses.
As I said before, I couldn't grow a weed. How was I going to grow a rose?
Then one morning I got up to bring out the garbage. Little did I know that
June morning was about to change my life forever. I remember that day like
it was yesterday. It still brings a fond memory to my mind. I live along
the Rhode Island coast. It was one of those quiet June mornings with the
early morning fog still lingering in the air. The temperature was warm and
the morning dew on the lawn shined like crystal glass. It was a beautiful
June morning. The world outside my door was a picture of quiet peace and
serenity. As I walked out across the yard, something strange caught my
eye. Something was out of place. Something was not right. Over by the
corner of the house was a red and white glow. Somehow through it all,
somehow against all odds, a rose had survived my onslaught and was in full
bloom. I couldn't believe it! There in front of me stood a beautiful rose,
a Double Delight. I could not believe my eyes! I remember just standing
there in the early morning peace and tranquillity looking at and examining
this gorgeous rose. Double Delight, to this day, still remains my favorite
rose. I think it will always be my favorite. I grow about 350 roses and if
I could only grow one rose, this is the one I would grow. Just an all
around, great rose. I was late for work that day because I couldn't take
my eyes off this beautiful flower. That was many years ago, but that same
warm feeling still overwhelms me every spring, particularly on the first
bloom. I can only compare that warm feeling as being similar to looking
upon a new born baby.
The rose has magical powers. Magical powers that can not be explained. I
can prove this. If you don't believe me, try a little experiment. Give a
rose to somebody who may be down on his luck, sick in the hospital, having
a bad day, or just sitting around with the weight of the world on his
shoulders. A magical thing will happen. I guarantee it every time. The
person will immediately smile, smell the rose, and for that moment, their
troubles will leave and be replaced by a feeling of peace and serenity.
This is the magic possessed by the rose. Nobody knows why; it just
happens. I have a theory about this. Modern science has proved that the
key to good physical and mental health is for the body to release
chemicals called endorphins. When endorphins are released, they lower
physical and mental stress levels. This is a real plus for our mental and
physical well being. There are a few ways that the body can release
endorphins into its system. One is by physical exercise. Another is by
having sex. A third way is by laughing and smiling. Therefore my
suggestion for a good fitness program goes like this. You should run
around the block, smelling roses, while you are telling yourself a joke
and having sex at the same time. Let me know how this works out for you. I
haven't quite figured out how to do the last part while jogging. If you
are laughing now, you are probably releasing these endorphins. Don't you
feel better?
What better flower than a rose to have magical powers? The whole plant is
very intriguing to me. Most rose seeds, gathered and planted from the same
parent plant, will not produce the same flower. Don’t you think that is a
little strange? Rose bushes also love to be pruned. They just love it, and
it seems like people love to prune them. Roses have been around since the
dinosaurs. They must have had some great fertilizer back then. One dino
dump must have been good for at least a hundred years. Oh, a hundred
years? Yeah. That's right. Some roses live that long or even longer. A
good rose bush will out live us all. Just think, some of the rose bushes
you plant now may still be enjoyed by your great, great grandchildren. Did
you know that a rose went up in a space shuttle a few years ago? This is
true. I believe it was a mini rose. I think they were testing for
fragrance in space. Wouldn't it be funny if they found a rose fossil on
mars? You never know! The rose is the national flower of the United States
and the floral symbol of the United Nations. The famous rose Peace was
placed in front of each delegate at the signing of the Peace Treaty in
World War II. The rose is a symbol of love and peace and has been a focus
in many historic events. Some of our greatest poets have immortalized the
rose in their works. Shakespeare once said, "A rose by any other name
would smell as sweet." One of our famous early poets once said that the
wonder of the rose is that it gives its beauty and fragrance to all that
pass by. It does not distinguish between white or black, rich or poor, and
knows no politics. It is simply there, for all to enjoy.
The rose is a true mystery. I am sitting here in February looking out my
window at a bunch of ugly, thorny, sticks pertruding out of the snow. It
totally amazes me that this drab and dull picture will, in a few months,
transform into a beautiful rose garden. When I first started growing
roses, I wondered if my love and enthusiasm would dwindle within a few
years. It has happened to many of us. New hobbies fall to the wayside
after a few years. It's just the way it is. It's sort of like a "been
there, done that thing". Being curious about whether my enthusiasm would
diminish, I asked a friend of mine who had been growing roses for 20 years
if he still had the same spark that he had when he first began. His answer
was that he still loved them just as much as he had from the first day.
With all the new roses coming out every year there is still a great
enthusiasm for both the new ones and old ones. The variety is endless. My
garden is ever changing and I wait with great anticipation every spring
for the first beautiful blooms to appear.
The peace, serenity and pleasure of your own rose garden can not be
measured. Growing roses is a lot of fun and work, but it is a labor of
love. The rewards are numerous. When I am having a bad day in this crazy
world that we live in, or my game plan for the day is not working out, I
simply retreat to my rose garden. I pour myself a cup of coffee, go
outside, sit in the middle of my rose garden and gather my thoughts. If
there is something in my life that is troubling me, it is there in my rose
garden that I find the answers to my problem. The answer is as close as
that special rose in your back yard. You know that favorite one that never
lets you down, year after year. The one that is always there for you. It
never leaves you, or judges you. It accepts you for who and what you are,
and gives its fragrance and beauty to you without question. In that rose
you will find all your answers.
I hope you got a few laughs out of this article. I guess you could say it
was one of my main objectives. We all need a good laugh once in a while.
Although life is serious, it should never be taken too seriously. You
should enjoy your life just like the roses, a day at a time. Don't dwell
on the past, or spend too much time worrying about tomorrow. Enjoy the
now, just like the roses do in the spring and the summer. Nobody has a
lock on tomorrow. Needless to say the characters in my article, other than
myself, are fictitious. If you were offended by anything in this article,
you probably read it wrong. You are entitled to your wrong opinion, just
like me. But there is another objective to my article. I love growing
roses and love to see and help other people do so. I want to see not only
the American Rose Society but also the local rose societies flourish and
increase their membership. Membership is the key to the future of any rose
society. It is important that we attract new members and keep our old
members. I believe the only way to do this is by making the rose society a
thing of attraction rather than promotion. The way to do this is simple. A
rose society should be informative and helpful but also fun. It is a
responsibility of the people in the rose society to make new members feel
comfortable. It is also the responsibility of the members to make the
meetings pleasurable and fun. I believe a lot of potential new members
think of rose societies as a bunch of stiff lipped, high society,
showboaters. When a new member comes in you should greet him and introduce
him to the other members. Start up a conversation with him or her and make
them feel at home. Ask them about their rose experiences and offer to give
some help on rose growing, rose selection, or whatever. Pamper the new
member a little. When giving information, don't give complicated
explanations. Keep it simple and basic. Chances are he probably won't
understand any of the vocabulary you're using. Rose meetings should be
informative and pleasurable. It should be informative about roses because,
after all, that is why we come, isn't it? I'm sorry to say I've been at a
few meetings where the politics of the society were of more concern than
the main purpose. It is important for the American Rose Society as well as
the local societies to increase their memberships. Remember it is up to
us. We all swim in the same pond. It is our responsibility not to pollute
that pond. When we put showboating, politics, personal gain or triumph
above our goal, we pollute the water we all swim in. It is imperative that
we all have a sense of camaraderie. A quote from the Consulting Rosarian
manual says, "That you are a representative and obligated to further its
goal to educate the public about roses in order to foster and promote the
growing and love of roses." I hope to some extent that I have done this
with this article.
Actively participating in rose societies, rose shows and other rose events
is both pleasurable and informative. However, one of the greatest
pleasures of doing all these things is to be able to go out into your own
back yard amidst a beautiful rose garden and enjoy the peace and serenity
of what is there. Above all else, in the final synopsis, growing roses is
food for the inner soul.
I would like to thank my wife, Lorraine, and my daughter, Crystal, without
whose help, this article would not have been possible.
©2001 John Shelly. All Rights Reserved. Used with permission. |
